SUNSHINE AURA – self-esteem. self-love. self-actualization. 

I don’t know if it’s rage or sadness I feel

It’s a deep ache — heart, gut, lungs —

So much more than just the wind

Knocked out of my chest.

I’d consider myself a strong

Woman

But I am deeply afraid

Terrified, if I’m being honest.

The first time I’ve ever awoken

Feeling as if I don’t have

All my personal freedom

Intact.

Some of it is privilege, I know,

To have walked these 31 years

Unafraid and free

Bold and headstrong.

Today, I feel much smaller

Meeker, more tender,

And I fucking hate it

I hate to not feel strong.

It’s a rush and mishmash

Of anger and hurt and confusion

And the tears fall frequently

At the loss of humanity.

They will call us “dramatic”

Modern-day “Chicken Littles”

Freaking out and hysterical

Crazy and in need of a leash.

Today is not the day to do something

No — today is the day

To grieve

To cry and let the feelings flow.

I know it isn’t just me.

Millions of women

All kinds of women

All of us real and tangible.

We are here.

We are not going anywhere.

Today, we grieve.

Tomorrow, we rise.