SUNSHINE AURA – self-esteem. self-love. self-actualization. 

Sleeping in far too late

Staying up into early morning light

Cycle on repeat night after night

Procrastinating my tasks

Distracting with socials and watching TV

Avoiding facing myself to unearth the real me.

This feeling leaves for a long while

Tends to come back just before the leaves

Change brilliantly, then fall off the trees.

It’s stuck

Stuck in my throat

Stuck in my lungs.

I feel my hands sticking

Fingers refusing to work the keys

Mind blocked by the pressure to please.

It’s like some kind of autumn sadness

Far removed from summer gladness.

The old pressures like a habit

Insecurity and eagerness confuse my compass

True North shielded by my energetic numbness.

The remote is in my own hand

The work piles up and dreams are put on pause

Hard as I try, I can’t seem to find the cause.

I suspect it’s rooted in my memories

The feelings brought by this time of year

A dormant, remembering kind of childhood fear.

Or, it could just be the changes outside

My sweet, summer sun on the cusp of leaving

My heart aware it’ll soon be grieving.

Perhaps it’s because I know

That another orbit around the star

To be completed is not that far.

Another reminder that I did not do it

And by “it,” I mean all the things

I’ve continually hoped and dreamed.

A reminder that I haven’t done it

Not quite yet

The desires I can’t quite forget.

Maybe this year I will try something new

Not let the annual autumn sadness

Turn into the annual winter madness.

I’ll take advice from what I see this season

Allow myself to transform as I’m meant

Do so with grace and unwavering commitment.

The earth lets itself fall away without fear

For it knows all will be back come next year

I can learn from that, I can be brave.

I can choose to live the dreams

Let the autumn sadness ride along

But still choose to hum a summer song.

Autumn sadness, goodbye to you.