SUNSHINE AURA – self-esteem. self-love. self-actualization. 

The last ten began on the coldest night of the year

Packing my stuff in the car, holding in the fear

Dying to be alone so I could finally cry the tears

The ones that had built up and up all these years.

My world of security and comfort and home

Stolen in the time it took for him to hang the phone

Never in my life had I felt so alone

How could I pack for an apartment what fit in a home?

I made the worst mistake: I pushed them away

All the people who loved me, asking if I was okay

Ignoring their calls and texts because I had no words to say

Crying in the fetal position, wishing the pain away.

That may have been the closest I was to depressed

My brain, thoughts, and emotions a total mess

Like a computer without the ability to process

The weight, the self-hate, spending nights depressed.

They handed us the new keys

I still couldn’t believe

Rejected the truth I could see

How the fuck could this happen to me?