SUNSHINE AURA – self-esteem. self-love. self-actualization. 

I think it’s been long enough that I can think about it.

I used to just feel numb when I replayed it all in my mind.

I didn’t even cry at the time; I don’t know why.

It’s like I was out of my body watching us, and I just knew:

This wasn’t going to be forever.

But I never imagined it’d be over as fast as it was.

I was too young and naïve to see what you were doing.

Even still, I go back and forth wondering if it was worth it.

You tricked me.

Admittedly, maybe I tricked myself, too.

When something feels so good and you want it to work

You tend to be capable of altering your mind

To the point that you actually keep out the truth

Ignore the deep ache in your gut – your intuition.

Your inner-knowing screams for you, like a tornado.

Yet, you block it out, insisting it’s a sunny afternoon.

Maybe we break our own hearts, sometimes.

Now, I can just see it all so clear.

I should feel embarrassed for being so gullible.

You were so good at a game I’d never really played.

Instead, I feel sorry for that version of me.

She never saw you coming.

She didn’t know how to handle a man like you.

When I look back now, I’m just slightly afraid.

I’m fearful because I wonder what I would do

If I encountered you now — or someone like you.

Would I make the same choices all over again?

Ignore the signs and betray my own trust?

Or would I be smarter, stronger than my impulses?

I’m scared to say, I really don’t know.