SUNSHINE AURA – self-esteem. self-love. self-actualization. 

How long has it been since she’s wandered this forest, alone?

Time never works the same underneath the towering trees.

Birdsong vibrates the tips of the green leaves,

Lulling water droplets towards the edge

Only for the sweet melody to abruptly stop —

The silence eerie and comforting all at once.

The sun shines brightly through the cracks up high

Burning her skin in strange patterns with unwavering heat

And some moments, when it was just too much,

Only then would the sky go full dark

Cloaking the forest in the relief of black velvet.

A blur of the seen and the un-seen

The initiation and the graduation all at once

No linear or complete timeline to follow

Only intuition and pain and logic and tears of frustration

The similarities and differences existing together.

The excruciating experience of becoming a woman

While still owning the fear of a young girl

Grappling with the oncoming slaughter of wisdom beyond her years

Never quite knowing which version to be.

The forest, staying a quiet and patient teacher, always

Nudging and confusing every single impulse

Offering support yet taking away every resource.

And when it became too heavy she would sink

Down, down, down to the forest floor

Skin pressing into the rich soil and soft foliage

Allowing the tears to flow or screaming into the void

Sometimes even digging her nails into the earth

The pain of the act the only thing reminding her she’s alive.

There is no “was” and there never was an “is” —

Just be.

This cycle, or pattern, of heaven and hell existing in harmony

The “why” never answered and the “what” never asked.

Another moment:

She is sitting at the edge of the only pool of water

Her reflection a mixture of moonlight and tears

And she realizes it is time to return.

It is time to return home, her inner home, the temple.

The forest parts and the sun blazes and the birds return.

She rises slowly, her dipped toe leaving ripples behind in the water

As the moment has finally come to leave

Yet she cannot bring herself to leave.

“It’s inevitable,” the forest whispers.

And so she takes the first step, the return just beginning.